Trump's Gettysburg Address

If Donald Trump had been President on November 19, 1863:

“After the hugely victorious North utterly defeated the small handed south, and the south lost by something like a score of four to seven, here at Gettysburg, a great little town by the way, one of America’s great little towns, a town with a great Lutheran Seminary, though I am Presbyterian, and a town of smart people because they voted for me three years ago, I am honored to be here with some really important men with really big hands and great minds, totally qualified for the job, like me, some of our county’s top talent, to make America great again by dedicating this, the greatest and biggest battlefield our country has ever seen. This battlefield with be a huge benefit for development and the local economy, believe me. I promise.

The wall has already been started!

Even though this North-South thing is not over yet, we are now ahead of the game. We are not only going to crush those drug smuggling southern rapists sneaking across our borders, we are going to build a great wall along the Mason Dixon line and make the Confederates pay for it. They will be sorry they ever left this great nation. They lost this little skirmish here at Gettysburg and they are losers, big time losers. They can take their slaves and keep them but we will keep great men like Frederick Douglas. I have a lot of black friends. Black people love me, believe me, they would have voted for me if they could have, and Frederick Douglas is a black man, a great black man. He wants to abolish big government, just like me. He believes in free trade, unencumbered by government regulation, just like I do. Frederick Douglas and I have a lot in common, except I am President and he is not.

This battlefield is only the beginning. We must not only remember the great things great men did here today and before, we must remember what great men did everyday everywhere, like all the great people who came out to vote for me and who gave me such an overwhelming victory in the election and who came to Washington for my inauguration. Let the world take notice. Let the world remember what I did here today and what I said here today. Fox News will cover it but not the other news organizations that report only fake news.

Our work here in Gettysburg might be done but we have a lot more work to do to make America Great again, and now that all those Confederate losers are gone we are great, greater than we have ever been, now that I am your President. Let us have more dedications, increased development, and you will see how the measure of our great nation grows every day now that I am your President. Believe me. We lost a few great men here – and we will lose a few more – that is the price we must pay to make our nation great again, the price we must pay to stop southerners from taking our jobs, being a burden, and practicing abortion. The unnecessary killing must stop, and as your President I will make sure it will stop. I promise you. Believe me. People will look back and say that this Civil War thing was the best thing that ever happened to America. Believe me.

God bless you. God Bless America. Vote for me again this time next year to keep America great!”